The Problem with The Secret (and The Law of Attraction)

The reason the Secret was so popular, the reason it was right is because it teaches us that our lives will only change when we recognize our personal power. 

But the problem with it, with the Law of Attraction, is true power embraces the complexities of being human.

Doubts, fears and anxieties are a part of that. 

We can get some much needed perspective by embracing them, by investigating them, instead of trying to avoid them. 

I can honestly say this after wasting years of my life trying to avoid my fears and anxieties…

After wasting years of my life afraid of the questions that were coming up.

The most growth I’ve had…

My biggest breakthroughs and opportunities came only after acknowledging that I felt stuck and overwhelmed.

Being brave enough to look into these feelings helped me to discover if they were valid. 

If they were valid, I got to create a plan of action to deal with them.

And if they weren’t valid, I got to release them

Either way I felt so much better… 

So much more prepared…

So much more free.

If you’d like some help in dealing with your doubts and anxieties check out the framework I mentioned below. It’s something I created after wasting years of my life being crippled by anxiety. You can find it below along with an example from my own life. It’s yours to use anytime you’re feeling confused, doubtful or anxious.

(Of course, if fears and anxieties get overwhelming, please talk to a qualified psychologist.)

FRAMEWORK TO HELP WITH DOUBT, FEAR AND ANXIETY-

Example from my life:

An incident with a meditation teacher who ended up being accused of sexually assaulting several women.

My desire for a mentor, a guru, made me blind to the early red flags in that relationship. It made me blind to times he crossed boundaries, to the times he said or did something to get me comfortable with him having access to my body and control over my life. 

His predatory behavior could have ended with me being assaulted if I didn’t eventually pay attention to the doubts and questions that I had.

The framework below uses this incident as an example to show how helpful it can be to investigate our doubts and uncertainties.

What happened? 

(Psychologists refer to this as the Activating Incident. You can think of it as the the thing that triggered the feeling below.)

At the end of my first meditation session, the meditation teacher told me my heart chakra was blocked and he touched my chest

How am I feeling?

Confused and a little worried.

Is this feeling valid?

I think so.  It doesn’t make sense that he would do that when I came to him for help for sexual assault

What am I telling myself to ignore this feeling?

Maybe meditation teachers are more physical. Maybe this is normal for people like this.

What might happen if I ignore this feeling?

It can happen again. He might continue to do things that makes me feel confused and uncomfortable.

What can I do address this feeling?

Talk to someone who’s been in a situation like this. Find out if it actually is normal.

How will I move forward?

If they say it’s normal, but I’m still not comfortable with it, I can try to set a boundary. I should also try to set a boundary if it happens again just to let him know that I’m not comfortable with people touching me right now.

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